Monday, July 10, 2017

Checking Out

A perfect example of my "checking out:" I'm pretty sure I meant to write this post last month.

I decided back in April that this would be my last year blogging. And while at the time I was probably thinking I'd be going out with a bang, in the weeks following I started thinking why even go on. It felt like I had already thrown in the towel, like why bother continuing if I already decided that my time here would be ending.

Even now I'll get tour notices and wonder why bother? Although that's also due to my wanting to give more of myself and not just book promos. But there's the problem; I'm not giving more because of all those thoughts I just mentioned.
Ever since I began this blog I had a list of things I wanted to do but now that I've decided I'd only be here for a few more months I can't get myself to see the point. I didn't start them then why would I now?
Even the things I had running didn't have much consistency. I was going to ask how could I start something new when I don't even pay attention to what I had going but maybe I needed a mix up.
I know that "it's never to late" (I've had the expression thrown at me a lot this year during my "what the hell am I doing with my life" breakdowns. (I'm an artist it happens, especially since I live with my triggers.)) 

I just haven't cared to sit down and write, it also doesn't help that my back is always hurting so it gets uncomfortable sitting here after a while, which does lead me to the often asked question what have I been doing?
I really do wish I knew.
I didn't even write an About Me, which I've wanted to since last September.

It's like this constant waiting for; I don't even know what. Kind of one of my reasons for deciding to stop blogging, I don't feel like I'm going anywhere with it.




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